Filed under General

The beginning

“I’ve taken on a lover.”

She whispered this to herself sometimes while she showered, sometimes in the mirror.

It was as archaic and useless sounding as though she said, “A gentlemen has deigned to call upon me.”

The truth of the matter was she was fucking someone who wasn’t her husband. And though there were words to ease that truth, as there have always been kinder, softer words to ease all truths, they were unsatisfying and left her throat clumsily. So, she practiced in the relative privacy of her bathroom some mornings. Then, she would step out of the shower, or step back from the mirror, wrinkle her nose and make the preparations to leave for work.

She dressed with the gravity of someone readying a funeral. Her husband, on his way out to his own job, would pause as he adjusted buttons, buttoning and unbuttoning the top, scanning her body for lint he could brush off. He would outstretch his hands to the back of her skirt, wavering yet never touching. Sometimes he found lint. Sometimes he brushed it from her.

They kissed lightly, they kept their eyes busy while saying good bye. They would see each other that night. Dinner, TV, formalities. There were no children. It made the situation less serious to her, she believed. She wasn’t ruining a family. Not hers, at least.

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Annual

This is my third year of doing a 100 question survey. Is there a point? Maybe. I believe both of the others are also on here, although the first may be on facebook. If I’m leaving an answer the same, I put (S) at the end.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
On my left knee, I have a pink scar from falling while hiking.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Nothing, I’m transient.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?

Indie rock, alternative rock, electronica, IDM, electro-pop, classical.
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
A Monday morning. (S)6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
A journal, damn it.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
My sisters.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
My nerves of steel. Not really.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
Just about 5’8″.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
No. (S)

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
No, the dark is for secrets, not scary things.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Ryan, but not on purpose. (S)

13. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR?
I have many irrational fears. And some rational ones. Teeth things, leeches, losing a job, losing someone I care for.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
This question should be rephrased. It doesn’t matter.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
I can’t. (S)

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee, obvs.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS?
Cheese. (S)

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A hamburger.

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Purple. (S)

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
No. (S)

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU’VE EVER RECEIVED?
It’s not the first gift, but today my stepmom told me she’s giving me a writing book that used to be hers, and I’m really excited for it. It feels meaningful, so that’s on my mind right now.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Wouldn’t you like to know.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
A little, in my fingertips and arms.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I don’t have one.

25. WHO IS YOUR FAV FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
Rachel Weisz/ Leonardo DiCaprio

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
My parents have a dog, but I don’t have a pet personally.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
See above.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
How could you stop that? Every time I tell my heart something, no matter how stern I am, it laughs at me and says, “Like you know what’s best for you.” (S) But I’m adding–seriously. My heart does whatever it wants.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
20

31. BLONDES, BRUNETTES OR RED HEADS?
I have brown hair. I don’t have a preference.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
“I don’t want to be the best lover you’ve ever had. I just want to be your favorite.” Derrick C. Brown

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
San Luis Obispo

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yes, to Australia and Mexico. (S)

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Back kisses. Literary topics.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
No.

37. FIRST JOB?
First real job: Student assistant

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yes

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE?
I don’t believe in souls.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?

Not working

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?

Oral surgery, and internal stitches if that counts.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Lately, how tiny I am. And my hair.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wine.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Two, maximum. Don’t know about names.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Kind of. The “-lyn” is recycled a lot on my mom’s side of the family, as is my middle name (Genevieve). (S)

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Passiveness.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
My teachers.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
The kind that cleans my hair.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
On occasion.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Pastrami.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Oh, I’m sure.

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
Not usually, but…

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
My answer from last year cracks me up. But yes, I would befriend myself.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
For some people, in some circumstances. (S)

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
In a relationship, yes. There has to be physical attraction on some level.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Writing and talking about it.

58. …
This technically makes this survey 99 questions.

59. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
To maximize my personal and social utility (ie happiness).

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
A stuffed animal named Flowers.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
I’m a telephone book..

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Yes?

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Sometimes.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mac’n'Cheese all the way.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Intelligence, humor, ambition, direction. It’s starting to matter more to me that someone has some kind of ultimate goal, or at least ideas of what they want.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Caity.

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
Dr. Manhattan, if that counts.

68. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Arrested Development, Archer.

69.WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
I don’t have enemies.

70. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Vanilla and chocolate syrup.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Yes.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
I have a laptop.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
Buy a journal, take this awful nail polish off.

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Nor Cal or France or Australia or some combination of all three maybe.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
No, this is for myself.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 in D minor opus. I prefer Symphony No. 7 though.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Energy drink.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Mike Ion.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX
Height. (S)

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Watch movies, talk, go to hipster coffee shops, listen to music.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Organized religion.

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR
I like the summer, and the fall.

83. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
I’m partial to M&Ms, peanut.

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Diana is my bff.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?

Brown. (S)86. EYE COLOR?
Hazel, but I put brown on my drivers license. So, there’s that.

87. SHOE SIZE?
8.5, generally.

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
In n’ Out (S)

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
In SLO, Natural Cafe.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Oh, goodness yes.

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
No.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Birthdays. Anyone’s, but especially my own.

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Guitar, ish. Not really.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Both leave much to be desired. Independent. (S)

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Kisses (S)

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships (S)

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Dinner supplies.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE/ STAY@HOME DAD?
I don’t see that happening.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Stranger in a Strange Land – Robert A. Heinlein

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:
:)

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books of june/july (2)

The Unbearable Lightness of Being – Milan Kundera

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books of may

Five Novels (The Square/Moderato Cantabile/10:30 on a Summer Night/The Afternoon of Mr. Andesmas) – Marguerite Duras

The Interrogation – JMG LeClezio

Rosie Carpe – Marie NDiaye

Moll Flanders – Daniel DeFoe

Gulliver’s Travels – Jonathan Swift

The Contrast – Royall Tyler

 

I haven’t had time to put up this list because I’ve been busy, you know, reading.

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books of april (2)

The Voyeur – Alain Robbe-Grillet
Oroonoko or The Royal Slave – Aphra Behn
Journey to the End of the Night – Louis-Ferdinand Celine
Plus some assorted short texts and poems such as:
The Rape of the Lock – Alexander Pope (reread)
On Sarah Pierpont – Jonathan Edwards
The Wonders of the Invisible World – Cotton Mather
Annus Mirabilis – John Dryden
A Narrative of the Captivity and Restoration of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson – Mary Rowlandson
The Spectator No. 69 – Joseph Addison

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books of march (2)

Blankets – Craig Thompson

The Stranger – Albert Camus (reread)

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books of february (2)

Poetry of John Donne – John Donne

Paradise Lost – John Milton

The Tragical History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus – Christopher Marlowe

The Winter’s Tale – William Shakespeare

Pandosto – Robert Greene

 

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Nothing to see here, folks

Yeah, I haven’t written in a long time. But that’s not true. I am laboring on a few poems right now that I can’t quite pin down yet. It’s really hard, but I’m putting so much into them. I want them to be constructed perfectly, although that won’t happen. I just want it to be good. I’ve been working on these pieces for months now. It’s a little ridiculous.

 

Anyway, go watch Exit Through the Gift Shop while it’s still available on Netflix Instant Play. Listen to Massive Attack too, while you’re at it. And maybe write a poem yourself, you creatively-stagnant wretch. Just kidding, you’re lovely.

books of january (2)

Utopia – Thomas More

Republic – Plato

The Faerie Queene – Edmund Spenser

Miles

Sketches of Spain

Birth of the Cool

Miles Ahead

Blue Haze

Go listen.

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